Beloved

"This song came to me while driving, after a therapeutic session in which I felt clearly how my longing for The Beloved was lifetimes old. As I cannot read or write music, I had to keep singing the melody to myself throughout the trip home, in order not to lose it. In case I was too cryptic: playing by the river is Krishna; the rooster cries out to St.Peter, and the loving eyes are Yogananda's"

Beloved 2.55 (1988)

I have come today to sing of my Beloved
and how I tried to hide from Him ten thousand years
though my knowing heart has yearned from the beginning
I kept away for shame for fear
I would not come

I remember how His playing by the river
lit up the faces of the sad the lost the grave
but not I
I kept aloof from joy and laughter
treasuring my sorrow feeling brave
I would not come

and I remember days of darkness and confusion
how the rooster told me crying out for dawn
that love and fear cannot be reconciled no way they can
how I realised God my love was gone
and how I wept

Beloved Beloved
are You patient 'cause You know the day will come ?
are You sad or are You inwardly smiling
while You're watching me pretend I'm deaf and dumb ?

but now He's come again and smiles at me so sweetly
so enticing I can no more look away
in His loving eyes dissolves my ancient armour
leaving me with little else to say
then "I will come"

Beloved Beloved
winking at me through the twinkling stars
by the perfume of a thousand million roses
I can feel Your footsteps from afar

Beloved Beloved
take my songs for flowers at Your feet
make me sing and take me dancing
in Your cosmic dancehall
for to go out no more

Peter van Kan : Guitar and vocals

Recorded live July 1996.
This version previously unreleased.
First version of "Beloved" released on "How can I tell you ?".